People Magazine – Sexiest Man Alive Winners (by Year)


People magazine is at it again; They have named their “Sexiest Man Alive” for 2010. I’ll give you 3 guesses who the stud will be?

No, it’s not McDreamy.

Nope, it’s not “The Situation”, either.

Jim Belushi? Now you’re just being silly!

While all these men would’ve made excellent picks for ‘SEXIEST’, there is one who stands above the rest; RYAN REYNOLDS.

“Who?”, you ask? Well, if you don’t know him by now, you may never ever ever know him, oooohhhh. Sorry, it’s been a while since they played that song in supermarkets, leaving me without a normal fix of Harold Melvin & The Notes.

Ryan Reynolds has starred in such films as National Lampoon’s Van Wilder and The Proposal alongside Sandra Bullock, however, his biggest gig is the up-coming comic book flick “The Green Lantern.”

Ryan Reynolds - People Sexiest Man Alive 2010Oh, and if you haven’t seen the cult comedy “Waiting…”, you may want to pick that up and learn about “The Goat.”

So what does being named Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine mean for the career of the ‘Chosen One’? We go back in time to find out…

In 1985, People Magazine gave the honor to a young Mel Gibson, of Mad Max fame. He went on to star and direct in some of the defining films of the last 25 years. He also went on to beat his girlfriend while she was holding his baby and release a series of hilarious party tapes. My personal favorite quote from the tapes: “You should just shut up and BLOOOOWWWW me!”You tell her, Braveheart!

In 1986, it was Mark Harmon who earned the title, and as we all know; Mark Harmon is God.

In 1987, it was Harry Hamlin, who did nothing.

In 1989, Sean Connery got the nod, mostly because the editor was a year away from retirement at the time.

At the turn of the decade they named Tom Cruise the Sexiest. Seemed like a good bet at the time, after all the man did dance around in socks and underwear while singing Old Time Rock and Roll. That’s gotta count for something. So what if he ended up becoming a freaky Scientologist and went batshit crazy on Oprah. No biggie.

Fast forward to 1992, when Nick Nolte inexplicably graced the cover. Yea, THAT Nick Nolte. No, not that guy, you’re thinking of Gary Busey. Two totally different people, I assure you.

In 93, Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford were named the Sexiest Couple Alive. Of course, this was until Richard decided to show his penis on screen. The fact that he was packing like an infant in the dead of winter didn’t exactly help the matter.

1995 marked the year of Pitt. Brad took home the prize and I’m talking long-haired, squinted-eyes, look how hott I am Brad. Not scruffy, beanie-wearing, If I wasn’t so rich I’d be homeless Brad.

Denzel Washington was the man in 96, marking the first black man to bring home the crown. Let’s think of him as the Jackie Robinson of People Magazine. You go, Denzel!

Next up was George Clooney, who breezed through ER and became a household name almost overnight. I honestly have nothing funny to say about him, except he had his Penis rendered fruitless. ME 1 GEORGE 0.

1998 was Harrison Ford’s time in the sun. Too bad that sun must cause old age because Harrison looks like he’s ready to play a round of golf with George Burns and Frank Sinatra.

1999 marked the first time a man held the title Sexiest Man Alive twice. So Richard Gere and his small penis made an appearance again.

Of course, if People gave Richard Gere 2 Sexiest titles, they HAD to give a second to Brad Pitt, which they did in 2000. Nothing for nothing, but Brad looks swell in this cover.

Next up was Pierce Brosnan, who is the second man to play James Bond and be named Sexiest on our list. People later retracted this award based on the monstrosity that is ‘Dante’s Peak’.

Ben Affleck gave his best James Dean impression on the 2002 cover. Unfortunately, he only won this award because he was sleeping with the biggest ass in Hollywood, Jennifer Lopez.

2003 marked Johnny Depp’s first appearance, and he would go on to play a gay pirate in celebration. HUUUGAHHH Me MATEYS!

In 2004, Jude Law was next in line for the crown, however his career disappeared soon after. It is rumored it’s hiding in Charlie Sheen’s lost watch.

Matthew McConaughey was the big thing in 2005. It’s ashame every character he does is the same, from Failure to Launch to Surfer Dude, he’s dropped his share of bombs.

An older, grayer George Clooney topped the list again in 2006. He’s alright in my book.

After years of Ben Affleck bragging about it to Matt Damon, Matt finally got his. The far superior actor and writer, Damon took some bumps getting to the top (Stuck on You, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back) but eventually made it big with The Bourne Trilogy.

Wolverine was number 1 in 2008. To celebrate he went out slashing people’s tires along the upper-eastside of Manhattan while singing showtunes.

And finally, Johnny Depp brought home his second cover in 2009, primarily due to his appearance as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. Ohhh LA LA!

So what does the future hold for Ryan Reynolds? The Green Lantern is a good start. People these days are eating up these comic-book flicks like they’re doobie snacks. He already has a decent resume, and I’m assuming there will be a sequel to Green Lantern in the works after the opening night numbers roll in.

Finally, who is the early favorite to win the title next year? We have a sneak peek;

CHAZZ BONO.

She’s a MAN Bay-Bee!

Thanks for spending a few minutes with me! If you want more humor and entertainment, check me out at http://www.dontyouhatepants.net today!

Comments

One Response to “People Magazine – Sexiest Man Alive Winners (by Year)”
  1. Paul says:

    Ryan Reynolds is the man! I heard that his newest movie this year, Buried, is generating some SERIOUS oscar buzz.